Actually Eye! Captain!
I will never gain say in jest that which might come back to haunt me.
Eye problems today have taken the form of blurring/unblurring of my left eye and alternating tears with sandpaper dryness. So of course the recommended treatment: eye patch.
Yep. Just as I joked, I now have cranial scars, bloody bandages and an eye-patch. I swear to the gods that if I parrot shows up for my shoulder I'm just going to go jump off a bridge. Preferably one that no terrorist is blowing up, I'd hate to be falling to my doom only to have an explosion toss me back up into the air.
Oh great! Now how many things did I just mention that can come back to haunt me? I'm outta here before the doors to the Twilight Zone gape and swallow me up.