Karl (louderback) wrote,

  • Mood:

Driving myself unnecessarily crazy... everybody needs some kind of a hobby.

Overall, this sucks.

I'm home from work again today. I didn't feel well last night and thought I might be here but I was surprised to find there's another reason. Lately, when I wake, my eyes have taken a long time to focus. Thirty minutes has been the longest. I am now up to three hours and counting. My vision has developed a blue tinge as well. I really cannot read well at all. It is getting to the point where I'm considering consulting my friend Jim. He has been living with limited vision for thirty years. I think I'm going to need some survival tips if this gets worse.

I am not feeling well in general. Time to get something done and not just sit around waiting for the doctors to get inspired.

I had an odd dream last night. It is related in baddreams.

It is harder to type today than the last few days. I can't really get much of a visual check while I type. If anyone had asked me if I look at what I type while typing, I'd have said "No, of course not. I touch type". I hadn't realized how much feedback I get as I go along. Praise to whoever invented the inline spell-checker.

I am spending a lot of time making myself crazy over all this. I keep think about "What if that was the last book I get to read?" or "I need to finish writing this while I can still proofread it". It is just stupid to be like this, but I can't help worrying. It is my nature to try and control what's going on around me and it is making me crazy to follow my own nature. Some software to read my screen or to let me dictate might be a good idea someday if this doesn't improve (might be a good idea even if it does), but I'm going bats because I can't order any. I'm bugged because I haven't converted my Amazon wish list to large print books and audio books. I would be convinced that these were the first signs of dementia if it didn't turn out that it was stupidia...

Off to do more writing on the SoulCatcher series. I also want to spend some time reading the latest in Liturae, the shared journal I'm working on with some friends. I want to analyze the style of chapter two and try to make chapter 1 conform somewhat. I also have more to add to chapter one once my second mind (the one that does all the composing) is finished stringing it all together.


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