Karl (louderback) wrote,

A delayed response to the Inaugration

Down the Rabbit Hole Click the rabbit hole for an explanation.

     OK, so last night I became a vampire. Big deal. I've more or less been expecting it for a while. I'm more of a half-vampire at the moment, my body hasn't died yet. It might not for a while, I'll live out my normal life span and when the body gives up I'll be the real thing. This comes from being converted by drinking vampire blood without being bitten and drained.

     It was kind of an accident. You know how you always have a few "kookie" friends, those ones you invite to parties because they can be counted on to do something odd? Well one of those stopped by last night. I always thought he was a bit weird, always wore black, went on about Satanism, black magic, the "darkness" and all that. I just thought it was an emo act to get goth girls. We were having wine and things just went wrong. He has always brought his own bottle and insisted on keeping it to himself. I understand. I am almost that bad about the travicello I enjoy. Most evenings he sips his glass, I sip mine and things go smoothly while we sort out the problems of the universe and plan how things would be if we ruled the universe. Last night, well, we usually have different glasses. I like my big glass goblet with the pewter dragon pedestle, and he uses a silver chalice (which I think is actually polished pewter). He forgot his glass and rather than "upstage" him I served us both in plain crystal wine goblets. To make a long story short, they got mixed up while we were looking up a horoscope for the Obama administration and I became a vampire.

      My new lookMy appearance has changed a bit but I'm not seeing a big downside. We compiled one of those pro and con lists. Part of it is here, but it went on for a long while. It is not like there's anything I can do about it anyway. I was worried about a lot of the mythology, staurophobia (fear or crosses), alliumphobia (fear of garlic), eisoptrophobia (fear of your reflection in a mirror), phengophobia (fear of sunlight), xylophobia (fear of wood, or at least wooden stakes), even maybe taphephilia (fondness for coffins or cemeteries). Most of that turns out to be a non-starter. Crosses don't bother you unless you're overly religious. Garlic is just a myth from the get-go. I can't see my reflection in the mirror, but I don't really "see" the downside. I guess my hair might become unruly. I'll shave. Maybe that's why Count Dracula always looked like he had an entire tube of Brylcreem in his hair. The who bit of sleeping in a coffin or a mausoleum. I'm told that is just for effect. You're harder to find in such places. My friend has a room as steel plated as a bank vault.

I'm told I don't actually have to drink blood until my body dies. I'll want to, but I don't have to. My mentor (oh, by the way, that whole vampire master/slave mentor/servant thing is BS) will be setting me up with a "connection". He says there's such things available all over the world. The local connection is actually out of town, this being a pretty small burg, but he actually has a delivery route that starts somewhere in Iowa "pig country". He drives almost to the Arkansas border delivering then makes another round in about three weeks. You just leave your orders with him when he delivers. Also, there is a web site. It's pretty boring really.

Con's of being a vampire

Pro's of being a vampire

Unending ravenous blood lust

Not much of a change

Can't watch sunrises or sunsets

Sunrise and Sunset available on DVD

Outliving family, loved ones, acquaintances, and enemies

Outliving family, loved ones, acquaintances, and enemies

Sleep all day

Sleep all day

Only go out at night

Party all night

Can't stand sunlight

It was always "burn and peel" anyway

Pale skin, cold hands

Pretty much no change

Same meal every time

Will miss Thai food and Taco Bell

"I never drink... wine"

I really enjoy wine

Have to wear black all the time

Look good in black

Never grow old

Didn't happen when I was 18

Never die

Never die

     My new lookI've been putting off writing for a while. First I wanted to wait for the inauguration, then I wanted to give the inauguration a little space. I found a horoscope for the "birth" of the Obama Presidency. It's been 42 years since I could cast a natal chart (Remember Linda Goodman's Sun Signs?) and more than 30 since I could read one. I will take the time, I think (now that I'm immortal) to bring my charting skills back up to speed and read the future for the new administration. Wow! Thinking about '68 I just heard O-bah-mah mah mah-mah mah ko sah! to the tune of "Soul Makossah" There should be a where is he now episode for Manu Dibango.

     I like of some of the things Obama has done so far. I approve of closing GITMO, but hope this doesn't mean "get out of jail free" for all of the prisoners. That would be plain stupid. GITMO makes us look bad everywhere. It is drawing fire. Shut it down and deal with those prisoners elsewhere and otherwise. I liked repealing several of the Bush initiatives, but I don't like all of his "let's undo the Bush Administration publicity". His actions so far have been "positively" negative, if you take my meaning — positive, but in the sense of negating things I don't like.

     The new prez has earned my ire in one respect. After announcing more stringent rules for lobbyists, he has asked for a pass on one of his own rules. He wants a Senior VP of Raytheon for an Undersecretary of Defense. Isn't the conflict of interest obvious? Why should he be considered for the position at all? The list of Obama-offenses will doubtless grow, as does the list for every president.

     Democrats, today I saw a cartoon declaring that the four most beautiful words in the English language were "Former President George Bush". Pull the frikkin cork outta your collective ass and get on with your life. Damya!


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