Karl (louderback) wrote,

Writing and Depression

quill pen in inkwell
Two posts in one day! I seem to be posting, and writing incessantly. That's a good thing for me. I haven't really enjoyed my livejournal for over a year. Of course, as soon as I bought a permanent account I would lose interest. I'll just go ahead and jinx myself and say I hope that this spurt of writing and posting will continue.

         Warrior Mage (working title) is over 2600 words. My "magic number" for such things 5k words. When a story idea reaches 5k words I consider it a short story in progress and not just an idea. Similarly, 20k makes a short story an attempted novel and 40k a novel in progress. We'll have to see where Warrior Mage goes. I've posted the latest at louderprose. It's still pretty rough. I like where it is going, though. Some intrigue is building, som action will take place. The dialogue is wordy and the names are awful, but both get fixed in editing. I won't mind writing 200k words and cutting it down to 120k.

         Like that's gonna happen.

gnarly tree, dude!         I had a rough time in chat today. I've been pretty depressed lately, and someone was there who really needed encouragement and support and I wasn't able to do much of either. I was definitely the wrong person at the wrong time. Maybe the depression is why I'm writing. It's funny, but I've always been more productive the more depressed I've been. You know poets, can't pass a gnarly tree or a cemetery without producing an ode to bleak despair and desperation.

         Just why I'm depressed is hard to say definitively. Things are piling up. Financial problems, of course. Everyone has those. Funny, saying that is supposed to dismiss the problem. Like everyone having the same problem somehow makes mine less bad. I've always hated those people who came back at you with stupid escalations. Me: "My legs hurt" Stupid Person:"Yeah, but at least you got legs!" Me: "Yes, legs that hurt! Did you miss something here? Did I miss amputation as an option? Hello?"

         I've given up most of my entertainment lately, I think that has got me down a bit. World of Warcraft and City of Villains have lost their lustre and I didn't even get the latest upgrade to Wow before cancelling. Spore is still OK, but not exactly a time-filler. Europa Universalis 3 is a good game, but so slow in play that I am just not interested. I need something a bit like the old Risk computer game but slightly more complex. I wonder what the latest Age of Empires looks like?

         To my surprise I am not writing poetry. I suppose that producing poetry & prose concurrently is a bit much to ask of myself anymore, but I used to do that a lot. I guess that kind of thing is part of what has got me so down. I used to be able to do so much. I used to think of myself as impressive in some areas and I no longer have that sense. I would like to do some things well again and with facility, but I find that nearly everything I do is done with considerable effort to gain a result that does not impress me. Is wanting to like yourself or to like your life so much of a much?
Tags: prose

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