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nanowrimo 2010


Diary of a Blind Madman

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Pension Lauterbach
nanowrimo 2010

This is not the way my retirement has worked out…

     I don't suppose anyone's retirement works out as expected. I am thinking a lot on this lately as I'm going through the process of filling out the forms that will enable my pension and SSDI to continue. Presumably they will continue. I hate living with the fear that I will have to run the gauntlet of opthalmologists, neurologists, arthritologists, and shrinkologists to prove that I'm still blind, arthritic, depressed, and prone to seizures.

     Do they think I'm going to get better? I really hate bureaucracy in general and insurance companies in particular.

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My father had a small pension from his employer. Both my parents, especially mum, hated the quarterly? semi-annual? letters that said he had to appear before some trusted person and get a form signed to prove he was still alive and therefore that the claim had not become fraudulent.
They hated it because they knew that sooner or later such a letter would arrive when he had died.
Bureaucracy like this. Don't like it. Also didn't like it when an insurance company wrote my wife a letter after I died. She needed to fill out a form and send it off with a copy of my death certificate to complete a claim. But I only know one way she could have got a copy of my death certificate, and I don't like it. Besides, she probably wouldn't have been able to claim under those circumstances...

By its nature, bureaucracy is unfeeling. I have to wonder why that came about. Bureaucracy is largely a composit of deeply entrenched traditions. I wonder that we didn't entrench compassion, or good manners? Are we just un-nice people by nature that our institutions reflect so badly on us?

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