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nanowrimo 2010


Diary of a Blind Madman

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Freewriting, an inexplicable picture, and a boring day.
nanowrimo 2010
Full Metal Alchemist
—Anime Program Full Metal Alchemist
I can't give this pic a proper attribution nor any coherent explanation. I don't know the name of the character nor what the show is all about, never having seen it at all. I just like the picture. I saved in when I saw it because I had the "I know that feeling" feeling.

     Today is a slow day for me. I can't seem to get moving. I haven't slept well for a couple of days and my "digestion" has been off.

     I had a chat with lutron the other day. I always enjoy talking to him. His hand is doing well enough.

     My computer is back in usable form. It took me seven days to accomplish that and cost $80 › with some loss of functionality. I am more pissed off than I can easily express.

     I am going to begin tracking my weight with this entry. I weigh 250 pounds today and want to eventually reach 200. My goal for now is to simply lose ten and keep it off for a full month. Then I'll aim at reaching 220. I'll be reporting relative to 250 so you'll see −5 +10 etc meaning 250 +/−. So today I report "0". I'm not going to be weighing myself at any specific interval, but I will try to do so about every ten days at a minimum.

     Dull. Dull. Dull.

     I can't remember the last time I went outside. There's no reason to do so. I always think, "Maybe someone will be out there. Maybe it would be healthy to get out and poke around." But that's pretty ridiculous.
     I guess I'm crazy in that "last man in the world" sense. I mean, I write this diary to nobody. I talk to myself, and answer myself just to hear my voice. It would be hard not to be crazy under the circumstances. The world is crazy. I'm worried, slightly, about being crazy, but as I say… under the circumstances.
     It has been two years since everyone died. I was here, at the shipyard when people around me just — died. The just fell down and stopped breathing. I was talking to Dave Reeds when he stopped in in the middle of a word and collapsed. The word was "provisioning". "provis…" was the last word I ever heard spoken.
     I yelled for help, tried CPR and mouth-to-mouth. Called 911 and got no response. Ran around madly finding bodies everywhere and finally stood in the middle of a vast complex of machinery and shrieked in frustration until I cried in terror.
     For a while I lived in some of the housing near here and raided the supply depot, the PX, some grocery stores and such for what I needed. After a few months, I found this submarine. It is enormous, Nearly 500 feet long. The reactor is up, was up when I came on board. I have power here. The rest of the city, maybe the world, is dark. At first there were fires, and I guess that is what ruined the power stations and the water pumps and such.
     Once on board the Enterprise (I call it that. It doesn't actually have a name, it was never, whatchacallit? Commissioned. As I say, once on board the Enterprise I had my own little self-contained world. There were only 3 bodies on board, Two guards at the entrance, and an officer of some sort. Some navy insignia with two vertical bars. I don't know ranks. I put them in one of the rooms on the other side of the pier that used to be a office of some sort.
     I came aboard, really, because of the smells. Outside, everywhere I went there were smells. Not as bad as I thought it would be. It actually got less after the first couple of months. There are no birds or animals that I have seen to feed on the bodies. They do decompose, though, so there must be bacteria and the like. Maybe not very many, though. I thought bodies rotted pretty fast, but many of the ones I last saw looked pretty much like they did on The Day, and that was after six months of exposure. Besides, could I be alive if there were no bacteria? Don't you need at least some such things to digest and all?
     I think there are still fish, and certainly there are those little floating things on the water, that green scum stuff. I used to see a splash in the water once in a while while I still watched the ocean. It must have been fish.
     The Enterprise is a treasure of a house for me. The air is freshened and recirculated. I guess I will someday have to replace a filter or something, but a submarine like this one carries years of food for over 150 men and is made to stay at sea for years and submerged for months. The power will last a very long time. The food should last for years. It is not luxurious accommodations, but it is everything I could ask for and I can get anything I want from the town. I brought a wheelbarrow full of books when I moved in, and I am only half through them. It could be a year before I need to go get more. There is a good television and setup in the wardroom. I watch movies there. There are over 800 CDs and DVDs so I don't lack for movies or music.
     Someday, I'll have to go out. The food will run out before I die, I'm only 38. The movies will get old, I'll run out of books, I'll get a craving for something I can't make out of ships stores. Something will happen. But for now, why?