Karl (louderback) wrote,

  • Mood:

Little to say, really

Were you in the Dumbass Question of the Week Club in high school?

Better and worse

I've fairly often said I would better off having "good days" and "bad days" than being the way I've been for so long — always down. Be careful what you wish for. I've been having good and bad days. The "bad" days are no worse than the usual run-of-the-mill I-feel-like-crap-again days I've been having for the last couple of years. The "good" days aren't really exceptional. I haven't really seen much improvement in my mood, but I have seen an improvement in my ability to concentrate. I've updated my journal a little more often (this one or some of the others). I've written some poetry. I've at least attempted some prose, thought I've not finished anything of appreciable length. At least I'm making the attempts which is something I've not done in literally years. All of this is good.

Bad Medicine

I've had a couple of unsettling things happen. I've had my face and lips go numb. I think this is due to topamax, which I am taking for seizures and which I have maxed out at 400 mg. I have backed off to 300 mg until I can get my Dr. to call me back. The side effects mention hypoaesthesia which would explain numbness of my face. Such numbness usually manifests in the feet or hands, but in my case, how would I possibly know? My feet and hands have been numb for years.

The other odd thing, which I can't blame on topamax, is a possible auditory hallucination. I keep hearing footsteps on the roof. Nobody else can hear them. Now, considering the season and all, it could just be reindeer or Santa (if you're going to have auditory hallucinations, why not have seasonal ones?) but I am still a little disturbed. I'm going to have someone check out the attic and someone look at the roof first chance. I need to know if this is actually imaginary. If it is, I need to track this down before my hallucinations become more widespread. <paranoia>Unless of course they already are…</paranoia>

Doing Nothing & Doing It Well

My day of organized napping interspersed with resting and carefully planned exertion avoidance is going swimmingly. I find that I am efficiently doing nothing at all. Honestly, I need to find something to fill my time. I was playing World of Warcraft, but my interest has flagged to the point where I don't know if I will renew when my membership is due again. I don't even spend much time at the computer anymore. It is true that the little time I am at the computer is now a bit more productive of poetry, but that is a genuinely small accomplishment in my opinion.

I truly want to find a way to accomplish something creative. That requires some external stimulus that I lack. At one time that was books. Nothing has filled that void.


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