Unhappy Day

          This was the first time I ever called my shrink just because I had to talk to someone. I've never done that before. I feel needy and annoying.

          My medications have changed and I think it is causing problems. I don't know just what to do about that save to try and endure until things get better. Ultimately, that is my entire life of late — endure in hopes something improves. If the universe would just accommodate me and improve itself …

          I have had the urge to write more strongly than I have felt it in years yet I find myself unable to write either poetry or prose. It used to be a release of sorts for me but I so seldom find myself filled these days that this particular spillway seems unneeded. I can hear the cracks now — yes, I know you've always thought that I was full (of it) — it is bad when I set myself up for this shit.

My son is visiting from Florida. He will be here a week. I am glad to see him. This is more or less the best and worse possible time for him to be here. <sigh>It is best because gods know I need somebody around and worst because he is seeing me at my worst. </sigh>