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nanowrimo 2010

Louderblog

Diary of a Blind Madman

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"accomplishments"
Man of Bronze
louderback
Damn!  
  I've accomplished something reasonably important and can't seem to take any pleasure in it.
 
The problem  
  I went to Star Wars and found that it had pretty much signalled the end of my movie-going career. I had to sit quite close. Sitting so close, I found the edges of the screen beyond the range of my vision. When I sit close enough to see, I can't see enough to make it worth being in the theatre. This is mirrored by my situation at home where even a large screen requires me to be close. My 25" TV just wasn't cutting it.
 
The Solution  
  Concisely: Projected Television. I tried a rear projection TV. 65" was big enough for a screen, but I simply couldn't see it well enough. The picture was too dark and much too grainy.

I did some research and found the advice I'd received from others was, indeed, good. I bought a projection TV.

This was not a simple process. I had to travel to a neighboring town. It took a long while to understand everything that would be required, to find all the gear, to order from the right places. I enlisted my son to help me shop, setup, install, and otherwise wrestle the technology.

Today I have a picture of more than 100 inches width. I can sit (close) and see the entire screen. I see more television than I've seen for over a year. I have a good sound system, a television I can watch, a period of time in which I can watch movies and television again before my vision gets worse.

My viewing life is good again.
 
The Problem  
  I can't seem to enjoy this. I am pretending to be happy about the situation because of all the people involved who worked hard to help me make this happen, but I can't really be much impressed with theis accomplishment. Wow! I just accomplished really difficult tasks in three weeks that aren't difficult for anybody else and which could have been done in an afternoon by most people.

If you run a 100-yard dash, is 1 minute a "good time" as compared to the 10.8 seconds of a champion just because you have only 1 leg?

I keep coming back to the fact that everything I "accomplish" these days is petty and unimportant, and an "accomplishment" only because I choose to define it that way.

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Yes, really, it is all perspective. Only you can assign it meaning.

To me, the meaning is significant. You have a resource that you didn't have before, and unlike many things, it's working.

Heck, I don't know squat about it. To be truthful, I think I would be nothing but full of panic if I lost most of my eyesight.

I know it's seems easy for me to say, still with my vision and with my independence fiercely grasped, but it's something I've been struggling with myself.

I hope you find some joy in again seeing movies...at least some seeing at least.

Bullshit. It was obiously an accomplishment for u... so... it was an accomplishment.

It wouldn't be an accomplishment for most people, but after a mir 26 years of observation, I've concluded that most people don't accomplish much- thus entering them into the ranks of the normal and average.

And ya know what else? Most people are fucking ingrates... well no, not most. People who have never ha to struggle and adapt are stupid ingrates. So don't measure yourself by normal standars. Normal standards are ignorant and metiocre.

And... maybe you didn't notice... you weren't buying EVERYONE ELSE a tv (unless you are a Marxist anyway). You bought it for you, gight? So screw everyone else w/ a jack hammer. :-P


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