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nanowrimo 2010


Diary of a Blind Madman

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A very bad day
nanowrimo 2010

Today was bad. After a rough weekend filled with stressful activities all around me, I looked forward to a slow day today. It was, after a fashion. At about 13:00 I decided to make myself a couple of hamburgers. I no longer cook often save for those things that can be prepared in the microwave. I found some frozen beef patties, thawed them in the microwave and put them in the skillet to cook. I added a dash of garlic, some worchestershire and even grilled some onions in the pan. I even went so far as to add a sprinkle of cheese and to transfer these to buns before things got disastrous. I had a violent seizure, threw the frying pan, took a header to the kitchen floor, and generally made a mess of myself. I'll spare you the details, but I sprained, strained, and pulled every muscle, joint, ligament, and scrap of connective tissue in my body.

The aftermath necessitated a shower. I spent the next three hours trying to recover my composure. Not many things genuinely upset me, though I have been both irritable and rather tense of late. This seizure left me a wreck for hours. I lay about trying not to hurt and trying not to think. I don't want this to be the rest of my life. The idea of these violent episodes sprinkled throughout the mundanity of my life is horrifying to me.

Of course, the universe had not had it's fill of jests at my expense at that point. Late in the afternoon, as I lay in the infamous chaise de coma trying to comfort my aches and pains I had another seizure almost as violent as the earlier one. A change of clothes later and a quiet crying jag found me back on the chaise disconsolate and utterly miserable. I took a couple of pain pills, hoping it would put me to sleep. Two 500mg hydrocodone should have been enough to send an elephant to slumberland. It didn't so much as dull my aches, much less make me sleepy. So here I am, headed toward midnight, aching and acheronian in mood with no sign of relief in sight. What I would give for a good night's sleep …

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Sorry to Hear This/ I Added You

Oh jeeze! First entry of yours on my friends list is quite a doozey! I'm really sorry this happened to you. I know two other people w/ epilepsy (sp???), and they keep to a rather rigid schedual of eating and sleeping to keep their ceisures under control. Does that sort of thing work for you?

Btw, I'm maddolphinpoet from Kin Thresholds. Feel free to put me on your friends list (or not too). Either way is fine.

Note: If I refer to some one named Karl in my entries, it's another Karl. I suppose it could be you, and that would turn out to be damn funny in a cosmic joke sort of way, but it's an alias some one from my WAY distant past used to use.

I sincerely hope things improve for you.

Re: Sorry to Hear This/ I Added You

I just added you back.

I usually adhere to a fairly rigid schedule in eating due to diabetes. My sleep has been out of whack for a couple of years. My seizures aren't epilipsy, or not precisely, as nobody has actually been willing to write down anything resembling a diagnosis.

This town is a black hole of medicine.

I can't imagine that we know each other from the distant past, but stranger things have happened ... specifically to me.

Re: Sorry to Hear This/ I Added You

Ever try alternative medicine like acupuncture? Just curious. If you have, has it worked? why won't they give your a diagnosis? That just seems really weird, like they are trying to hide something or keep you from being treated.

As for the Karl thing, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't talking about you. lol That's all. And thanks for adding me.

I tried a number of things while in Miami and later while in Seattle, both places better for alternative medicine than the midwest (I'm currently in Jefferson City, Missouri). Nothing actually improves diabetes except a pancreas transplant. I am controlled by diet and medication, but "control" is one of those flexible words.

As to diagnosis... well, if the doc puts down a diagnosis, then he can be held responsible for actually treating me and if he is treating me I can reasonably have some expectation of results.

Jefferson City is the state capitol. Ninety percent of the people in town have the state health insurance plan. Therefore, that plan governs what doctors will and will not diagnose, will and will not treat. Anything not utterly mundane and curable with non-exotic medicines or 1880's era instruments is "too expensive" or "frivilous" and therefore will not be diagnosed under my health plan. A doctor that does so may find himself no longer on their provider list, and therefore unable to be patronized by practically the entire population of the region.

You've heard of places that refer to themselves by colorful names like "the armpit of the nation"? Jefferson City is the Porta-potty of the nation.

Re: alternative medicine

State health insurence? Egads! *raving capitalist pigs gasps in horror* And I thought corproate insurance companies were bad! I wish I had something helpful to sugges.... some reasonable solution, and picking up and moving is too damn epsnesive for most people do do on a whim or on short notice out f nessessity. Arg! I really hope things improve for you, and soon!

Re: alternative medicine

I intend to move to Florida in the next few years. Medicine there is considerably better. At least, it is more geriatric-centric and many of my ailments tend to be geriatric-ish, blindness, diabetes, siezures...

I get by, and that is what matters.

Re: alternative medicine

Ouch! Well, good luck w/ the move.... *hugs*

Gods, how scary.

The doctors just keep ignoring you. I can't understand why violent seizures aren't something to dig in to aggressively!

I'm both mad and scared for you.

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