Karl (louderback) wrote,

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Confused again

Today's updates and x-posts: None

The day is warm and sunny. The windows in my house are open. The breeze is blowing. So much for the good stuff. I slept poorly (surprised?) and feel grumpy. My head hurts (when doesn't it) and I just generally feel bad. I am about to give up on the idea that I am catching something. You'd think if I was going to come down with a cold or whatever I'd have done so by now.

Walkers has been difficult for me lately. I've been grumpy and listening to other people's problems has been a trial. I usually take some .... well, solace, I guess, in sharing problems with others. Lately the "support" part of this support group hasn't been much help to me. That is my problem, not the groups problem. Nothing there is changed, it is just something with me that doesn't want to deal with other people.

My sister and I had a conversation that is bothering me. I have noticed that I am "disorganized" (my word) and that I am not doing well handling some aspects of my life. I wasn't sure anyone else was noticing it. Certainly my doctors don't seem to. My sis compared my memory to ... well, someone with a bad memory. It is true, I have been forgetting simple things. I get up and before I get to the kitchen, the bedroom, wherever, I forget why I got up. That's no so bad, everyone does that, but I do it almost every time I start to do something. It bothers me that I seldom figure out what it was I intended. Sometimes I can pick an action out of a logical set of likelihoods (kitchen is to refill coffee, get something to eat, bedroom is probably to get to my bathroom, etc.) but I almost never remember my intention. I just sort of pick one that fits the direction I'm facing.

I also have a tendency to get fixated on things. I go to fix breakfast and wind up doing so two or three times. I go fix a bagel and find scrambled eggs on the stove. I fix a ham sandwich for lunch and when I open the refrigerator I find a bowl of tuna salad. I'm not gaining weight, but maybe I'm eating more meals a day than I know. I don't really know if I'm doing things and forgetting them or if I'm doing things while "blacked out" or some such. My sister doesn't watch me all that closely, and I am afraid to ask her to do so. I don't think I want to know the answer.

My puppy has been enjoying the weather. She stays outside more than she used to. I will resume morning and evening walks if the weather holds another day or so. The exercise will be good for me and Jirel will enjoy it.


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