Karl (louderback) wrote,
Karl
louderback

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Today's updates and x-posts: baddreams

I am having yet another bad day. I slept well last night, to my surprise, a full eight hours with few interruptions. I dreamed my recurring dream of an unintelligible conversation. I dreamt another about taking some sort of test/interview. I think it was a prescient dream. I seldom have those but this one "felt" like that. I will record as much detail as I can in my dream diary, baddreams.

Today has been uncomfortable for me all day. I am coming down with something, I think. I have been very depressed and I can't account for a reason. I am extremely irritable and seem to remain that way all day of late. I should be relatively happy. I learned from the insurance company from Hell that I have been reinstated. I should get a big paycheck one of these days. It will catch me up for a little while. I hope it will cover the back payments. My banker, whom I will nominate for sainthood given the opportunity, has arranged for my mortgage to be paid this month out of my "overdraft" funds so it won't wreck my credit with the loan department. There seems to be somebody on my side fairly regularly. My boss at work helped me out this week.

I don't understand some of the things happening to me. I seem to be spiraling down on a regular basis. I don't really want to go through this all the time. I never feel good. I never even fail to feel bad. There is no relief to be had from my doctors. I don't understand that at all. My doctors don't even seem to try to find a diagnosis.

I am thinking of discontinuing this diary for a while or maybe just giving it up altogether. It is hard to write. I don't feel like updating daily or even weekly. It bores me and has to be tedious to any who still follow it. I don't know.

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