October 26th, 2002

nanowrimo 2010

Split Personality

Today is one of those days when I can't get started. I am moving so slowly that I feel like the world is racing around me.

OK, that's not precisely true. I've been up since 6:36 am. I've already taken a flying trip to the grocery to drop off the cable bill so that we don't get disconnected today.

I don't plan to do much today except kick back. I think I'll enjoy a day of nothing much.

OK, Yes, I just flat out lied. I have to help my mother pack. I have to move her bed from the back bedroom to the basement where there is less cat dander and she can breathe better. Then I have to move her recliner to my room. Then I have to reorganize my room, put down the 8' library table and try tomove my computer to that roo which will cause me to, at the least, have to pull some cables and search out a connector. I wanted to play D&D. That ain't gonna happen, huh?

I will spend some time on the computer. I may make some progress with my campaign "The Varifold Isle". I need to work on maps and some dice rolls. I really need to get myself a few manuals. All it takes is a little time.

Shit! Shit! Shit! I know I won't be up for doing anything on the computer as I'll be exhausted from trucking the damned thing all around the apartment. The damned manuals will cost me about $200 by the time I'm done. If I order them online, it'll take weeks — after I get the money — to arrive. It'll take weeks to get enough money ahead to indulge in anything as frivolous as D&D manuals … assuming that I don't have to spend everything on moving.

I'm looking forward to moving. That's the plan as of today, anyhow. My mother will head back to her cousin Nola's after Halloween. My sister will be moved out by the end of November. I will move out as soon as I can. I will probably get a place with Joe and Lisa. With any luck I'll be able to find something nearer to work and shopping.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuckity-fucking-fuck!

I don't want to move. I've moved enough. I finally have a large comfortable place and I can't manage to stay here.

I don't want to live with Joe & Lisa. They have no idea how to accomodate any other person, much less the hard-to-get-along-with me. I'm tired of cleaning up other people's problems. I have plenty of my own.

My sister wants everybody out. It solves her problems. What about mine?

If I don't live with Joe & Lisa I wind up with major transportation problems. What do I do about my Explorer then? Give it to them? Taking it back would be useless. Giving away a vehicle worth $10k goes against my grain though. I could sell it to them but you know how sales within the family goes. I'd never see any appreciable part of the $10k. *sigh*

Why is it necessary for my life to be so utterly shit-filled every day?

Now that I'm "back to work", with money coming in again I'll be able to get my own bills caught up, help Joe & Lisa with theirs, slap some on the mortgage and see if I can get my sister squared away before she heads South to her new abode.

What a load of crap. Even I didn't believe that. I'm going to be flat broke for months. I haven't worked regularly for over a year-and-a-half and I'm in neck deep. Everybody else is too. How is it I am bailing everyone out? Well, I guess because I choose to. I don't feel like it is at all fair, but it is always the way I do thing.

One thing will be different and that's for sure. This business of my having cold lunch-meat sandwiches for lunch to save money will stop. If the vegetarian in the house can take my money out and buy pounds of shrimp for meals I can damned well eat better and everyone else can scrimp for a while.

Living with Joe & Lisa will be a good thing. I've lots to teach them, and lots of help to offer while getting back on their feet. They can help me out and I can do the same for them.

Ye Gods but I am full of shit today. My income will prop up the houselhold until I can't stand it anymore. I expect I'll wind up in my own apartment in the spring and Joe & Lisa will have enough to relocate back to Seattle or wherever. I just hope we part amicably.

  • Current Mood