June 20th, 2001

nanowrimo 2010

What do I do now?

Well, I guess my doctors read my LiveJournal or something. No sooner did I say I was thinking of a new PCP than they both went limp on me. I guess I understand, but it is really odd.

Doc Aruba sent me a note saying, basically, "I don't know what to do next, I defer to Dr. Jujube." Sensible, I guess as Doc Aruba is handling my diabetes and they eye thing is not really his specialty. What's tough for me is that within minutes, I get a call from Dr. Jujube's nurse Selby who basically said. "Well we don't know what to do. If you want to go to anyone we'll refer you."

That's not really going to be a big help. Shelby offered to look a doctor up in the phone book for me. I can do that if I want a random selection. I was really hoping for a referral with some connection to the medical community behind it. I still thought doctors had reputations you could check on. I guess those days are behind us. Medicine has become as completely assembly-lined as everything else.

I am at a complete loss on this one. I really don't know how to proceed. I got some recommendations on doctors from people at work and I will be contacting Dr. H. today. If he has any ideas about how to proceed, I may make him my new primary care physician. I guess I'm not going to get much enthusiasm out of Dr. Jujube any more. I really feel abandoned on that front. He and I got into it the other day, not a shouting match or anything, but I guess it pissed him off.

I can't just stop investigating this. I can see, I'm not blind (as Doc Aruba's nurse Roynellie pointed out), but I can't really read anything, I can't drive, and I am able to type this sort of stuff only because I've been touch-typing for years and can operate my own computer basically from memory. — just as a bit of digression, my spelling and punctuation has dropped badly. I never realized how much feedback I got from the screen when typing. Had anyone asked me if I looked at the screen while typing, I'd have answered "of course not, I touch type". Evidently there's a lot more feedback there than I guessed. I'm pretty much relying on my in-line spelling checker to underline anything questionable. I just take all the suggestions then post (where the font size is really big) and go back to make corrections then on anything really odd. It's kind of haphazard, but at least I can still type. It's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. I've got this really stupid idea in my head that I need to get everything down on paper that I can in case I can't do it in the future.

Over and over again I've seen the same thing. When I get insistent or stand up to someone and try to get an understanding of something, the same old phrases come out. "Well, I don't think you can be satisfied." Why is it that if you don't like my answer, I have to dig until you do but that if I don't like your answer then I'm unreasonable and can't be satisfied. <rant>Yes I know. It is a rhetorical question. Please don't, every one of you who was ever in debate club in High School, expound on the tactics of argument-based techniques of blame, guilt, mis-association, and self-serving logic. I know those techniques. I don't use 'em. Other's shouldn't either. </rant>

I'll write more later. I'm just annoying myself.

P.S. NuniaBiz threatned to visit aquatic dreams on me last nigth. They never materialized. For a change, I slept straight through from about 21:30 to 4:30 without any dreams that I remember.

nanowrimo 2010

The Rehab Center for the Blind

Well, I'm just back from the Rehab Center for the Blind. I met thee or four really nice people. They were all very helpful and I got the main thing I wanted from them, some insight to the specialists in the neighborhood. I am seeing a doctor on their list tomorrow, Dr. H. He should be able to give me a truly thorough exam. If he tells me that this a permanent change in my vision, I will be able to cope, not least to the people at RCB. If I have to start coping with this I'll have a starting point.

The visit was good and bad for me. I feel encouraged some and like I have plenty of alternatives, but boy-o-boy, there was not a hint from anyone there that they thought this might be a temporary thing for me. I understand that they wouldn't want to encourage any false hope, but wow, it was a bit of a shocker to find that they didn't think my condition coming on me like this was at all strange. I would have liked it if they hadn't just assumed it was a permanent change. But as I said, they have no reason to do so and don't want to encourage any delusions on my part.