Karl (louderback) wrote,
Karl
louderback

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The end of a crappy day and eudaemonia still escapes me.

I spent all today failing again. I hate days like that. Nothing particularly horrible happened, but nothing much worked well.

I participated in a meeting. It went reasonably well, but I took off on some sort of rant. I don't remember doing it. I am becoming concerned that my grip on my actions is slipping. I know that I perceive the world differently than others, that my memory is apparently faulty at times, but I've never lost the one-to-one correspondence that keeps me functional. I don't know what to do about this.

After the meeting I took a crying fit again. I spent about thirty minutes in the crapper trying to sob quietly enough that nobody would hear me. I don't know what causes these things to happen. I can't find a triggering event. It doesn't seem to be related to time of day, my mood, any person, any event that I can pin down. I have to emphasize this sort of thing with George (my shrinkologist). I've got to get my meds fixed up. Things are not going well.

My bus schedule was weird. The morning driver arrived at 7:04, about fifteen minutes early. I had none of my preparations made, no lunch, no keys, none of the usuals. Thelack of lunch resulted in a trip to Bellacinos ( here's a menu) for lunch. That's a good thing. My evening bus driver arrived at 16:22. That was about 40 minutes early. As long as I get to work as early as I did today it shouldn't be a problem, but I am really not enjoying the unpredictability of my ride.

It's after 23:00 and I'm not sleepy. I don't know what is going on with my sleep. It has been erratic at best. The last week or so I've had an extremely hard time getting to sleep at all. I slept less than one hour last Wednesday night, Friday night, and Sunday nights. I've had white night on occasion, but never so often. I hope this stops soon.

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