nanowrimo 2010

Louderblog

Diary of a Blind Madman

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
(no subject)
Man of Bronze
louderback
Tuesday 7 January 2003 Volume: 1 Issue: 001
Featured
poem

The Irregular News

"Whatever the news, we prints in fits."
<td rowspan="7" width="15%" border="9" bordercolor="black" align="center" valign="top" align="center" bgcolor="lightskyblue">

Features

Movie Reviews</a>

The Move

Desiderata

Holidays

The List

Kodrus

 

 

</td> <td rowspan="7" width="65%" align="top" valign="top" style="padding-left : 10px; padding-right : 10px;">

The Return of Karl

I've been away from my journal since 21 December. That's ninteendays, I think. It is the longest dry spell I've hit since the inception of my journal. It surpasses by two days the blank period following my attempt at the long sleep. Nothing as dire has occurred this time, I just have been empty.

My mother's demise has left its mark on my life. You can see some of the consequences in Desiderata. Mostly I have been exhausted and trying to cope with circumstances arising out of my job, my mother's end, the fallout therefrom, and various afflictions to my health.

I haven't made a journal entry here for quite a while, but I have written in other journals. You'll find my tracks (fingerprints?) all over philosophy, no_pity, 4north, and both objectivists and objectivism. I've not really been up for talking about me, but I've been willing to dispense my own brand of verbal mayhem elsewhere.

I have failed for the first time since my vision changed to write a poem. It has been a daily thing for so long that it had become quite natural. By way of compensating, I have forced one out today. It is depressing. What else? How many poets are cheerful warmhearted people? I mean apart from Ogden Nash? I'm sure even he had his depressed and blearily truthful moments. I mean, really, I think poems should be depressing and dark.

I went through that list of 12 items again. It is down to 10 now

I've been quiet to the point of immobility for the last couple of weeks while simultaneously being too busy to scratch. I suppose I should be in a good mood at the moment, my life is becoming simpler, but I can't help the feeling that I am standing in rising water. I need swimming lessons

t's hard to detail my feelings over the last couple of weeks. My mother's passing was crushing in some ways. I have been exhausted in the extreme. When I can, my entire agenda consists of going to work then coming home and vegging in front of the television all night. I never move if I can help it. I've been watching many movies lately, courtesy of NetFlix, a service I strongly recommend to anyone with a DVD player.

</td> <td valign="top" rowspan="7" width="20%" style="border-left: 1px solid #333333; border-right: 1px solid #333333; border-top: 1px solid #333333; border-bottom: 1px solid #333333;padding-right: 20px; padding-left: 20px; padding-top: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; font-size: x-small;">

Behind it all

My life has been in the shitter emotionally. I'm just too exhausted to think of anything or to do anything at at time when I am scrambling every day to find enough hours to get things done. Essential items get lost while I sit and watch rented DVDs. I'm at a real low point while working furiously. It is driving me mad on a regular basis. I seem to lack the internal compass that has driven my life for quite a long time. All my dependants have gone and I feel rudderless. A sad commentary, I think, that I am having trouble having a life without someone using up all my time.

</td>  
 
 
 
 
 

Movie Reviews

Fellowship of the Ring


Boxed set, 4-DVD special edition
Rating: 8
Venue: DVD
Date: 2003/01/08

I'll refrain from re-reviewing a film that has been over-reviewed to begin with and talk solely about added footage and the goodies on the extra discs. The extra footage was considerable and of considerable value. The box stated that there was an hour of extra footage. They oughta know, but I'd have bet anyone that it was a couple hours at least. I won't be specific about the scenes that were increased, but they were all seamlessly reinstated in the film and added quite a bit to the flow of things. Given the immense detail conferred on the story by Tolkien, it is impossible to make a movie that directly corresponds to every scene and every nuance of the book. This addition of extra footage improves the correspondences between the book and the movie and therefore was well worth it.

The special features were not much of a hit with me. There are hours of explanations of how the actors have their "hobbit feet" glued on and how gorgeous the locations were, but little that actually interested me. A few interviews and some filmography information pleased me but basically didn't do much. "A day in the life of a Hobbit" was a short feature worth a quick look.

XXX


Rating: 7
Venue: DVD
Date: 2003/01/08

Vin Diesel comes across as an incarnation of James Bond as he would have been if invented in this Millennium. Primarily an action film, the plot, the story, and the exposition of those is less than elaborate. Filled with stereotypes of Eastern European gangsters instead of the cold war stereotypes of the Bond era, the story could easily have pleased Ian Fleming or Albert Broccoli.

For my part, I enjoyed the film. The shortfalls of plausibility in the story were not of consequence in the greater scheme. The flow of the story was good and led me right where I wanted to go.

Praise for Vin Diesel these days is lost in the chorus but I think he did a very good job in this film. He is the likely inheritor of those roles that used to go to Stallone and Schwartzenegger when they were younger. I like the knife-edge feeling I get watching Vin Diesel and his voice will make him instantly memorable to nearly anyone. Can't wait for the sequel …

The Move

This should be exciting. I'm moving sometime. I don't know quite when. I can't afford a mover so I have a gang of bikers moving me. Really. Ten or a dozen of them have agreed to move my stuff (oddly enough they all have pickup trucks) for beer and pizza. I won't go into how I've met 'em, but this moving crew is unique — and among the best I could likely find.

The first weekend that the weather is neither too wet nor too cold They'll show up and I'll be moved in one day. I don't really have much stuff. Almost everything I own is in boxes at the moment anyway as I never really got unpacked here.

Back on the West End, I'll probably not unpack quickly either. I am trying to decide just how to handle the house. I may live there for a while or I may try and sell it just to get out from under. If I stay there are a lot of things that need done to the place.

I do know that if I stay very long I will have to re-model the kitchen. It should probably be a low priority after replacing soffits and the heating/cooling plant but I live much more directly with the kitchen than the soffits.

Transportation will be more difficult on the West End. My bus ride to (and from, of course) work is considerably longer. Cab fares will be higher. One benefit is that the grocery is quite a bit closer. My bus drops me there of an evening and then I cab home. At my Oak Street location that is a $10 ride. To the West End it is under $5.

Desiderata

  • Yes, I am moving again. *sigh* Following my mother's passing, I find myself possessed of the house I used to live in and which I thought sold and out of my life. Picking up the mortgage on that while paying rent here is implausible at best. So back I go!

  • I now find myself trying to manage a property out in the woods. I've always owned property far away over which I had no control. Now I own nearby property over which I have no control. I must find a way to get my name off the "farm" near Belle, MO.

  • Finances are in the shitter for the forseeable future. I will be paying rent and mortgage for at least three months.

  • I how have holiday and sick time available again. I am going to try and take one vacation day a month this year. I'll likely be taking sick days at about that rate … it's been that way for quite a while now.

Holidays

My work holidays are fairly few:

  1. Memorial Day - May 26, 2003
  2. Independence Day - July 4, 2003
  3. Labor Day - September 1, 2003
  4. Thanksgiving Day - November 27, 2003
  5. Day After Thanksgiving November 28, 2003
  6. Christmas Day - December 25, 2003
I will expend some vacation days to fill out the calendar so I get a day off in each month. There are other days that employees can take but I don't know how they work. I will have to ask around.

The List


1. My Health isn't improving
1.1. I don't sleep well
1.2. My feet twitch and wake me up at night
1.3. My legs cramp and wake me up at night. k
1.4. I have had a headache since august
1.5. I am always tired
1.6. E.D.
1.6.1. It's been over a year
1.6.2. The urologist says "well, we all get older"
2. I am depressed
2.1. I'm seeing a psychologist
2.2. I don't seem to be benefiting from this
3. My weight is not under control
3.1. I don't follow my diet
3.2. I eat the wrong things
3.3. I overeat
4. I don't take my medicines as religiously as I should
5. I can't read
5.1. Talking books are irritatingly slow
5.2. I have no alternative forms of input
5.3. I am dying for a source of information and stimulation
6. I have no topics of conversation left
7. Braille is unpleasantly slow
7.1. All my input is very slowly acquired
7.2. My output is slow too, my typing speed has dropped from ~95wpm to just over 20 wpm (guesstimate)
7.3. I am spending my whole day in high concentration mode
7.3.1. Figuring out where things are on a page
7.3.2. Memorizing sequences of things to identify graphics and the like
7.3.3. Counting steps to various places
7.3.4. Memorizing landmarks
7.3.5. Memorizing phone numbers
8. I'm broke
8.1. Any really big bills would wipe me out
8.2. Because of this I can't quit my job or change jobs
9. I hate my job
9.1. I can "read" JCL and COBOL but can't retain much and can't use what I read effectively.
10. I hate Missouri
10.1. They have attitudes I hate
10.2. It is a backwater culturally and socially
10.3. The people here don't like me and I don't like them
10.4. I hate the laws
10.5. The bureaucracy is inefficient and obnoxious
10.6. The weather sucks
10.7. I can't find good restaurants
10.8. The groceries are poor quality and not much variety
11. I'm not having any fun
11.1. I don't socialize
11.1.1. Don't want to very much
11.2. Can't find people with whom to do so
11.3. I have no hobbies
11.3.1. Tried everything I know and don't want to revisit any of 'em
11.4. I don't do anything for fun
11.4.1. Can't think of anything
11.4.2. Don't have the energy to do much anyway

Kodrus

For those faithful few who have been following my monthly udpates of Kodrus, I offer my regrets. I haven't done my duty this month. I promise a long update next time.

Featured Poem

I want to see a star

I wish I lived in the land of dreams
'midst rushing water in ice-cold streams
where horses champ their bits
and their hot breath steams.

I'd like to live where fair skies are
and the bright horizon is far and far
and all the open spaces lie between
and no bright lights obscure a star.




Published by Irregular Press, 725 Earl Lee Dr, Jefferson City, MO 65109 All rights reserved

  • 1
You're still listening to good music though!

  • 1
?

Log in

No account? Create an account