Karl (louderback) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Into the abyss

The ordeal of my mother's demise was extreme for me. I don't want to go into it, I never intend to talk about, write about, and, if possible, think about it again.

The minutiae of such an event are unpleasant in the extreme. I have dealt with them as I am able. There is no more for me to do but go on . I would be lying if I said my life was not simpler now.

This loss is but one of many recently. Old friends are dying, family members, others. Pieces of my own life are slipping away and I feel like I am being shredded.

I grieve tonight for my mother but find all wrapped up in that grief is the loss of my father, my vision problems, my recent surrender of my house, the irritating discoveries that seem to happen so often of things I can no longer do. I don't want to keep putting up with this but I don't know how to stop it.

Time seems not to be on my side. My ability to do the daily trivia of my life is leaving me. I discovered this evening that I can't push a push-pin into the wall of my apartment if the height is above my head. How incredibly petty. But it matters. It really matters. I feel myself sliding into the pit. How much more is there for me to lose? I noticed last week that my walk has become an old-man shuffle, wide set, toes out, knees bent, looking out for stubbed toes, unseen obstacles and waddling to maintain spatial relationship. How perfectly horrible.

I can't stop it.


  • Karl/Bob Louderback

    It is my sad duty to report that my Brother Bob passed away from a heart attack on 1/31/13. I know he had many followers on Live Journal. I thought…

  • I spoke to Lutron today

    I spoke to lutron today. That would be the person, not the corporation. He was on his way to D & D. I haven't done that in more…

  • Another day another dollar. I need a rate increase.

    I have been cat-waxing all day. I really need to write some more on my NaNoWriMo novel. It is a take off on Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded