Karl (louderback) wrote,
Karl
louderback

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I'm still cold

I don't think it has anything to do with the temperature any more. I just don't feel right. I've had flu symptoms moving from my head to my gut to my joints and back around the circuit for two weeks. I need a rest. I need something. I'm miserable all the time. I need a break.

I went to the NFB meeting this evening. I don't know how long I'll be associated with this group. They seem like nice people and all, but I got nominated for office on my second visit (my first as a member). Sounds a bit desperate to me. *sigh*

I met with George today. I don't know where things are going there. We talked about getting a bed. I understand the significance of a good night's sleep, but I don't know if that's exactly why I go there. I don't exactly know why I go there.

George asked my how my depression was coming. Great, I suppose. I'm never depressed. I never was. I went from not depressed to suicidal quite unpredictably. That's what's bothering me lately — well, has been bothering me all along. If I was depressed, I didn't know it. Maybe I'm on the verge again and don't know it. I don't like living this way.

I need some kind of a change. My life is pretty unpleasant right now. I can't do much to change it and what little I can do I am doing. I could use a good day now and then. If I had "good days" and "bad days" I could cope. All I get right now are the "bad" ones.

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