Karl (louderback) wrote,

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Summing Up

The Tale

The week has been stressful. All is working out but I can't imagine how.

Monday was a day of anticipation, dread perhaps. I jittered a bit until Tuesday when I met with my bosses at work. The discussion centered around my admittedly poor attendance. Things went amazingly well, but it left me paranoid

Wednesday was a nothing much. I forgot my lunch and Randy (next cube) went with me to Panera's for coffee. I got a portobello and onion sandwich with a small bowl of clam chowder. It was a better lunch than I could have brought.

Thursday was cable day. It was an absolute disaster. I spent hours on the phone trying to figure out how not to take an hour off work to be at the apartment while the cable was being installed. The installation was a disaster. The cable guy would only put in one box because I only had one television. The concept that I might buy another seemed incommunicable to him. He would not install the internet at all. It appears that he could not find the cable.

Friday was a better day. I went with my son and daughter and a couple of friends to see the premier of Harry Potter.

The Truth

The e-mail Monday morning sent me into a tailspin. I was firmly convinced that they had found a way to fire me at last.

I've been convinced for some time that everyone was working hard to get me off the payroll. The truth is far from that. My old boss had the opportunity and never took it, this set of bosses has done the same. Everyone seems to have taken effort to keep me rather than to be rid of me. It nevertheless terrifies me. I'm just not willing to let that particular change come into my life.

I have come to accept one thing since losing my vision, though I'm told I have "acceptance issues" by nearly everyone in a position to know. I must admit that I have lost my ability to cope with change with the old elán.

Having come to accept such a thing, what do I now do about it? Work to maintain the status quo? It hardly seems a worthwhile goal.

I've went out to lunch three times last week. I must do better this week and bring my lunch every day. I really haven't time enough to leave the building and have a lunch. I've gone to Panera with Randy on each occasion. It is not a wonderful lunch, but it is the only good coffee in town. I do enjoy their portobello and mozzarella panini. That, with a bowl of onion soup, is my idea of a good lunch. There has been so much scrutiny of my time of late that I begrudge even the weekly lunch with two other friends at the Echo Lounge — a bar that's been around Jefferson City since about 1945. They have a good barbecue sandwich and I like their fries. The bus schedule has changed for me lately. It is now only about a five minute ride to and from work (used to be anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour). I am getting to work before 8:00, sometimes before 7:30 and the driver has got it into her head not to pick me up much before 17:00. I don't think anyone can legitimately complain that I haven't been putting in my hours but I don't want to give them the chance. I've always been meticulous about recording my exact work hours, even to my disadvantage — I once saw a friend railroaded out of a job because he was alone in the building where he was working and had nobody to verify his overtime. I was actually asked to send an e-mail just before I leave when working late. I've never been scrutinized so closely. *sigh*

Last Thursday was a disastrous day with the Cable installation. As is now evident I got the situation resolved, but I just don't understand the difficulties encountered. I couldn't be there when the cable guy arrived, I didn't want to take time off work. That's a tale in itself. I spent about as many hours on the phone trying to get somebody to be at my apartment for the cable install as I would have spent had I simply gone. Eventually, the installer arrived and things just went to Hell. He installed a cable box in my living room. He wouldn't put a second one in my bedroom because there was no TV. I hadn't bought it yet (or, technically, I had but had not picked it up and brought it home). I'm not sure why there has to be a TV attached to the box, but that's the story he gave the folks here - there had to be a TV attached so he could program the box. OK. He also wouldn't put in the internet because they couldn't find a cable. Now, I'm the blind guy here, and I found the cable. What was the malfunction? I duh-no.

Eventually, last night, I managed to get the final step of cable installation accomplished on my own. I feel like "I'm back!" At least I feel much more comfortable in the new place than I have been so far. I've got TV (a 20" AKAI) with a DVD and VCR build in, something I've not owned in a while. I am devastated that I let all my tapes go when I moved from Tampa to Seattle. *sigh* coulda woulda shoulda


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