Karl (louderback) wrote,
Karl
louderback

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Staffing went well and poorly, as such things would tend, I imagine. The process was followed, the reports were good. My RSB counselor was not there, called away at the last minute. I hope she is well. I will be interested in the follow up the next few days.

I have been doing poorly myself the last few days. I haven't slept well and I've felt physically bad. I'm irritable (yes, I know, but more than the usual) and unreasonable (Yes, etc.) in a variety of ways.

Dr. Ron is on me again about not being in touch with my feelings. I just plain don't know what he is after there. I'm not a touchy-feely sort, never have been, don't much want to be. I am in good touch with my feelings as regards the people around me, the things I want, the things I don't want, the things I'm able and willing to do about those things. I know how I feel about things and what the things that I feel are in response to. Is there something I'm missing?

Oh well. Yet another round in my ongoing battle. I think I understand me. Everybody else is right and I'm wrong. It always comes out that way, seems like. I can't count the number of times I've busted my hump bringing alternative after alternative to someone who was never satisfied with my solution. When someone brings me a solution I don't like I'm the one who "can't be satisfied."
I think I'm in the same loop with Dr. Ron. I don't know what I have to demonstrate to him, but I wonder if I am ever going to be right? Not because either of us are "right" or "wrong" but because we just don't use the same terms.

I suppose, in the light of the previous rant, that I don't understand my feelings. I don't seem to mean the same thing by that that other people do. Somebody edimicate me . . .

Last night was another of interruptions. I haven't slept well for about three nights. I haven't had any night for months that was wonderful, the last three have been far from restful.

My dreams have taken an odd turn. The last three nights I've had dreams about ghosts in my room, people hurting my feet, and last night, peanuts characters intruding into whatever I was dreaming by just walking across the background. *sigh* I think I liked the epic gloom and doom. It was, at least, predictable.
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