Yesterday at AlphaPointe was a bit slow. I did some writing and listened to a mobility tape that was full of information, but presented very boringly
I left AlphaPointe feeling very bad. I had intended to go to a computer user group from 17:00 to 19:00. I was overtired, I suppose. I certainly found myself solomnent from 15:30 on.
I wish my act were together this week. It is exhausting just trying to hold on to focus. It's getting difficult to care about my studies or even getting back to work.
Today was a little unusual. I had only four sessions today instead of the typical six. Two of my sessions were two hours long.
I spent an hour this morning with Shaojun walking the halls blindfolded then crossing streets (sans blindfold). It was a wonderful day to be outside. There was a breeze and the temperature was nice.
I then spent two hours with Chip. We spent most of the time chatting and planning. I've sparked considerable interest at Alphapointe on the subject of changing a person's learning modality from visual to auditory. There seems to be little available on the subject in the standard places. I've begun some researches of my own.
I don't know where it's going. If anyone has any ideas about how to learn to learn better and retain more information from listening to tapes or from the spoken word, please let me know.
Chip gave me a tape to listen to and to try and "retain" informationally. It is on the subject of unresolved anger. It struck a chord with me, in that I have read quite a bit on this subject before. It raised one point I remember well in that it alleged that unresolved anger manifests as depression. I don't remember ever hearing that. It makes a good deal of sense to me, but it is something I've never thought about before.
Lunch was interesting. I had some Lean Cuisine frozen dinner or other, but that was not the interesting thing. We had quite a bit of conversation. Mike was more animated than I've seen him. Stacy, too, was more outgoing. I don't know if they're more comfortable now or if yesterday was just a good day. We plotted a "pizza lunch" Friday. Frozen pizza, I'm afraid, but at that it is better than the local cafeteria.
In the afternoon I spent an hour with Jim, we worked on forms. I just hate the way JAWS (my screen reader) and Internet Explorer handle forms controls. It seems utterly counter-intuitive to me. It is a skill I need, though. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I'm going to have to go back to that hideous spy-ware ridden abortion of a product, the Internet Explorer. I hate that piece of software more personally than my abstract loathing for Windows.
The last couple of hours of the day were spent with Clay. We plotted and planned strategies for my staffing Tuesday, namely justifications for the accommodations we agree I'll need. I then spent some time on the Pubmed site. It is a place that publishes summaries of publications in medical journals, case studies, and the like. I found nothing useful, but was interested in a number of the items published.
I spent some time on the AFB site where I found a number of people to e-mail with questions about how to do COBOL using a screen reader. I sent about five e-mails, and I will try to do some more tonight. I still haven't find anyone out there with low vision who is actually doing an actual programmer/analyst job with COBOL. The few I've encountered with anything resembling an actual position doing COBOL don't even vaguely approximate the sort of job I have. I'm spending a lot of time re-inventing various wheels. It's got to stop
I think I have troubled Clay. In conversation I alluded to the fact that nothing had changed since my suicide attempt - that I have all the problems now that I had then. I am not in any way contemplating another attempt, but I am quite concerned that my life isn't any different than it was when I tried it before. I don't yet know why I tried to die, in either an intellectual or an emotional sense - I really have no understanding of the event. Therefore I am afraid that I actually might try such a thing again. I have no plans, no inclination toward such a thing, but I never did.
On returning home, Emmarita and I went to find her room. We wandered just about the entire complex before we found building eight. Left and right don't mean the same to us. We found it eventually. A genuine case of the low-visioned leading the low-visioned.