Karl (louderback) wrote,
Karl
louderback

I'm too hard on *me*?

I am pissed beyond all toleration. I need to get over it by 12:30 and my appointment with Dr. Ron. I walked into a door today at the end of a meeting. I wasn't using my cane. Use the damned cane! Use the damned cane! Use the damned cane!

I'm not usually stupid about anything significant, but I keep walking away from my cane or not using it. I guess I see it as a sort of label. I don't really like the damned thing even though I do better with it than I do without it. Shit! I hate it when I'm stupid!

This week has been informative, exhilarating, exciting and a let-down.I enjoyed the staffing. I was excited to spend another 8 weeks in There was an element of let-down too, though. I keep hoping for an epiphany that says "get thee to a new job" or "hang on like grim death". I don''t expect that is going to happen this time. I don't know how to come to the decision.

Dr. Ron suggested that I am too hard on myself. I don't think so, but I may not be the best judge of that. He also something about there being two ways of changing things, actively and passively. I've never been good at passive I guess I'm still learning how to do things. I just wish that doing things was increasing my happiness. My life really does suck at the moment but doesn't everybody's?

I am looking forward to getting home this weekend. I will spend some time decorating Joe and Lisa's bedroom. It will be slightly strenuous, moving the bed and the freezer but c'est la Bvie. I need to clean up my computer at home, too. I don't know if I 'll move it before Joe and Lisa arrive or not. I may just wait until he gets here and borrow his laptop. Note to self: call Joe and ensure that he is bringing a laptop and not shipping it.

Jim gave me an assignment to work on some hints an d tip web web pages he left on the coputer. I have already been through them long ago. Sigh I am updating this instead.
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