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nanowrimo 2010

Louderblog

Diary of a Blind Madman

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nanowrimo 2010
louderback
I'm getting' all adaptimificated...

White cane class yesterday and braille class today. Soon I'll have adapted all to Hell and gone. It is just wonderful to be able to navigate around the mall waving my white cane at people and nearly getting helped. Even standing in the middle of a fucking mall waving a white cane in circles and looking lost while rotating trying to get my bearings, my white cane instructor commented "Three people nearly offered to help you just then." Do I have some fucking horns and a tail that I don't know about? I'd damned well better get independent.

Braille class is a thrill a minute too. I can now write and read level 1 braille. Useless as nothing much is printed in level 1 braille, but at least I can do my alphabet and numbers and write right to left. Glorioski! Soon I'll be able to read last year's novels in braille. Slowly. I hate giving up reading. I hate the fact that this entry has taken me ten minutes to type when I could have bashed it out in seconds just six months ago. I don't like this. Somebody wake me up, y'know?

I really am grateful for all the adaptations and all the help and I really don't give a great big shit either. What's the point. I'm not more employable. I'm not very employable at all. A year ago I had no prospect of having a "hard" time finding a job. Now I have no prospect of ever having an unreasonably hard time finding a job. If I find one, gods help me, I had better regard it as a lifelong profession and hang on for the duration of my employable span (not that long, I grant you). Gods know old and blind aren't going to heat up the old employment furnace.

My life genuinely sucks at them moment. The alternatives are worse. What ya gonna do?

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Thanks, I appreciate it. But even that sucks, y'know. "Bad moods come and go but depression is a lifestyle..."

I know I can't comprehend what it's like. I know nothing of anything that has happened or anything. But....yea

sorry.

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