Karl (louderback) wrote,

  • Mood:

Moaning? 'moning? What you do when your hormones moan.

I woke only once last night, so I guess I slept well. I don't feel rested

Had one dream about looking for something. It made no strong impression.

Yesterday I got hit hard. It is not easy for me when I don't get my way. It's just the way I am. I have set up everything to go back to work, doctors agree, I agree, there's no point in staying home any longer. There aren't a lot of tests still to be done, my hole-in-the-head is as healed as it's ever going to be, and on down the list. It is time to go back to work. I could still stay out about another month according to the short term disability, but why string it out still further. It has been months already.

Unfortunately, it is not to be, I think. Talking to work, they recommended to me that I apply to Long Term Disability — the file has already been flagged. I don't really want to. I'm ready to go back to work. I grant that I have serious doubts about being able to do what I used to do but I should be able to do something. The company I work for has 150k employees. I'm sure that in some location, somewhere, there's a job I can do.

I am going to take several steps today:

  1. Apply for Long Term Disability, as recommended by work.
  2. Consult a "benefits expert" who can tell me if I qualify as "disabled"
  3. Contact friends in Tampa and Dallas to see if they know of job openings at that site that might fit me
  4. Despair

My appointment with Dr. Canasta went well. I like that man. He is pursuing wholeheartedly trying to find out what is wrong with me. He is nagging the Neuro-Ophthalmologist for an appointment earlier than 17 January. He is contacting another doctor about radiation therapy for Junior and the site of my former grape. The theory being that it would be beneficial to irradiate both sites to stop any continued growth. He is also conducting some tests for pituitary and thyroid-controlled hormone levels to see if there is any lack of normalcy. I will not hear much of anything from any but the last for a month or so. I should know if my hormones are moaning within a week or so.

I didn't see Dr. Slant last night. He just plain forgot my appointment. I want to get back on a regular schedule with him. Time will tell.

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