nanowrimo 2010

Louderblog

Diary of a Blind Madman

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O woe is me... my life is a misery
nanowrimo 2010
louderback

Rose tint my world keep me safe from trouble and pain.

         0 word count yesterday. I claim bodily malfunction for my lack of writing. I was suffering an intense tack of neuropathy in my left foot. It left me pretty much in this position all day. When at it's worse, the pain in my foot requires me to constantly hold it or rub it or manipulate it in some fashion, (including painful things which alleviate to some degree the neuropathy).

         The bright red nerve pictured at the right is the one that hurts me. Soaking in hot water doesn't help. A hot shower does sort of overload the sensation by splashing hot water and constant contact of a strong spray of water. I can stand it only so long. As soon as I get out, the pain comes back. If it goes on long enough. Yesterday was about an 8 hour stint before I finally got enough drugs in me to put an end to it. Self-medicating is a tricky business. I was out of gabepentin, I will bitch about that soon. I doubled up,then tripled my clonazepam (klonopin) by the end of 8 hours I had six milligrams in me and was still at the point of holding my foot and dancing without any ability to function otherwise. Over that 8 hour period I added 2000 mg of depakote (valproic acid) to no effect. A flexoril finally put me to sleep after a total of ten hours of pain-insanity and malfunction.

         I woke today to foot pain. I slammed two gabepentin, a depakote and a 1mg clonazepam. Finally, I have my gabepntin again. Used reguarly it prevents most of this.
          Last Friday I noticed that I was low on gabepentin. I called my pharmacy for a refill. No problem. They called back a couple of hours later to say that I had no refills and they had faxed my doctor. Now what are the realistic that a doctor's office is going to fax back my refill prescription before end-of-day on a Friday...nil, none, zero. You know it, I know it, the pharmacy knows it. So I begged 'em enough does to hold me the weekend. The best they would do was 8 pills - that's 4 doses meaning that the pills I take three doses a day of were going to last me until Sunday noon. Ok, so I would miss Sunday night's dose and monday morning's find, the consequences are non-fatal.
          Monday Morning I learned that they had faxed the refill request to my doctor's old location at Boone... he moved to university months ago. Then they argued with me "None of our other patients... blah blah blah" when I told them they had the wrong number. I gave them the doctor's phone and they faxed, or tried to, the request to the voice line. God forbid that having the voice line in their possession they should pick up the phone and ask for the fax line. Somehow that was my job. I did my job. They faxed on tuesday. Wednesday after noon, the prescription finally was filled and ready for pickup, I missed a total of 8 doses. Now, when I've even marginally late, my feet kick in and the gabepenting doesn't help. I HAVE to add clonazepam or some kind of sleepy pill to wait for it to take effect. It's going to be like this until by system builds up a supply of gabepentin again. Weeks in other word. All because of bureaucratic fuck-ups. That kept me from having my meds for 3 fucking days.
          Above all else I had a nasty seizure Tuesday. I was about due for one, but I don't being unmedicated helped matters at all. I know it left my brain on fire for a couple of days. The seizure was a particularly unpleasant one for me. I think, because I landed on my right side, I went into full extension and hurt my shoulder and hip joints. I know my right side feels like one massive rug burn. I had the headache to end all headaches and was a long time getting back my ability to move normally.

         Today I had to augment my gabepentin with an extra dose of that and the depakote as well as a clonazepam just to keep the pain that woke me from a nearly 15-hour sleep from becoming another day of mindless shrieking foot-grabbing pain.

         O woe is me! O woe is my nano-novel. O woe is my collaboration, although Ed seems to have nearly finished the book. I'd like to read it sometime.


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